Lent 2025 Day 33: The Voice in My Head and the Ones I Didn’t Listen To

"God always offers us a second chance in life." —Paulo Coelho

A while back, I was on the phone with my friend Kimi and she said something that made me laugh:

Kimi: Yeah, it’s funny—I either really like your girlfriends (now exes) or I can’t stand them.

Me: That tracks.

Kimi: Remember that one we had lunch with at Santana Row? The one from the East Coast—I liked her.

Me: Shmelissa?

Kimi: Yeah! That’s her.

Me: She was a pathological liar.

Kimi: Oh. Well, I remember she was really nice.

Me: Sure, she was nice. Still lied about everything though.

Kimi: Yeah, too bad. I liked her.

Me: Yeah… she was really hot.

Sometimes that’s how it goes, right? You fall for someone who seems perfect—at least on the surface—and completely ignore the tiny red flags flapping in the wind like a pride parade for bad decisions. The heart wants what it wants, and sometimes it wants a disaster in a leather jacket with a great smile.

I want to believe we go through these messy, ridiculous, painful relationships for a reason. That we’re supposed to grow and evolve with each one. And yet—I still catch myself ignoring that little voice in my head. You know the one. That barely-a-whisper voice that says, “This probably isn’t a good idea.” And me? I say, “Shhhh. Let’s just see what happens.” Spoiler: it’s never not a disaster.

When I was 28, I was dating this woman my friends joked was my “non-relationship-relationship era.” These days we call it a “situationship.” Apparently, I was ahead of my time. It started casual—but casual has a way of catching feelings when you're not paying attention. And suddenly, I found myself invested in something that was never meant to be serious.

We weren’t exclusive, but I wasn’t dating anyone else. She came into my life during my Saturn return—the season when your whole life unravels so it can be rewoven into something better. I wasn’t a fully-formed human back then, and I was weirdly okay with that. But I’ll be real. I had no business dating anyone at that point. I had just come out of a bad relationship. I told myself, Vangie, get your shit together first. But then there she was. Kind, gorgeous, emotionally available. So very tempting. How could I not?

People say dating teaches you what you don’t want more than what you do. And that’s true. But I’ve also dated a few people who were amazing—just not at the right time. Sometimes it’s not about love not being enough. Sometimes it’s about timing is terrible. Sometimes it’s about you not being who you needed to be yet.

I’ve learned a lot in relationships. But I’ve learned even more in the space between them. I regret some things. I’ve made poor choices. But I try to gather every lesson, even from the disasters. Especially from the disasters.

Finding a healthy relationship as an adult feels like finding a unicorn in a Costco parking lot. Most of us are a little broken by now. Some of us are healing. Some of us are hardened. But I still believe in trying. If I’m going to show up in someone else’s life, I want to be the version of me that adds to theirs—not subtracts. That whole “take me or leave me as I am” energy isn't very cute. But growth is sexy. Accountability is sexy. Knowing your worth and wanting to be worthy—that’s hot.

I’ve ignored that little voice in my head so many times—usually muffled by a pillow called hope. Hope that things would be different. Hope that I was wrong. Hope that love would be enough. But ignoring your gut rarely ends well. That voice? It’s usually right.

Still, I’m a sucker for risk. I’ll run the data in my head, analyze the cost-benefit ratio, and still say, “Eh, let’s see what happens.” Because when it comes to love, isn’t that what we all do? We pick the person we’re willing to risk our heart for and hope they’re doing the same.

But next time? I’m going to listen more carefully. Because love is worth the risk—but only if you’re risking it for the right reasons.

More often than not, my little Jiminy Cricket knows what they're talking about.

Lenten Reflection: Trust the Voice Within

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NRSV)

Lent is a time of deep listening—not just to the world around us, but to the still, small voice inside. That voice we often push aside. The one that whispers truth even when we’re not ready to hear it.

🔹 Where have I ignored my inner voice in favor of fantasy or fear?

🔹 What regrets still need to be turned into lessons?

🔹 How can I show up in love—ready, whole, and rooted in truth?

This season, let’s learn to trust that voice. Let’s learn from the past, not live in it. And let’s move forward knowing we’re allowed to grow, to start again, and to love more wisely than before.

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other.

📖 More reflections: flanneldiaries.com

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