Lent 2026 · Day 27: Becoming Real Or Something Like It

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'" — The Velveteen Rabbit

When I was a child, all I ever wanted to be was happy.

I think that’s because, even then, I knew I was different.

A little shy. A little weird. A little strange.

And, if I’m being honest, a little alone.

I grew up in a busy house. The youngest of four kids, actually five. I had an older brother who died long before I was born. It wasn’t something we talked about much, but it was always there. His picture sat on the mantel. Frozen in time at five years old.

You don’t really think about it when you’re a kid. What that kind of loss does to a mother. Her first born. Her first son. Her first grief.

But it shapes everything.

How you’re loved.

What’s said and what isn’t.

The quiet weight that lives in a house without anyone naming it.

I think about that a lot now.

About the life I get to have.

And how, for a long time, I kind of… floated through it.

Just trying to figure myself out. Going with the flow. Doing what needed to get done and moving on. I was easygoing. Low maintenance. Didn’t make waves. Didn’t complain. Didn’t make a scene.

People liked me for that.

If I was unhappy, I just left.

That was my version of control.

As much as I loved my mother, I never wanted to be like her in that way. Staying in something that wasn’t good if I didn’t have to.

And the truth is, I’ve always known I could leave.

No matter how bad things got, I’d find a way out.

But there’s a cost to that, too.

Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Always bracing for the rug to get pulled out from under you.

Always a little guarded, even when you try not to be.

It’s exhausting.

The thing about being queer is that you don’t have to follow the traditional paths. The career. The marriage. The mortgage. The life that’s already mapped out for you.

I tried. I really did.

And it worked… for a while.

Until it didn’t.

And then I started to wonder if maybe I’m not built for that kind of life. Not built to follow a straight, predictable path.

Maybe I’m supposed to be something else entirely.

The weird, fun gay aunt. The one who shows up differently.

And for a long time, that felt like enough. But lately, I keep coming back to this idea of becoming. And here’s the truth I don’t really want to say out loud... I have absolutely no idea who I’m becoming.

All I know is that I want a good life.

Sometimes I think I have it.

Sometimes I think I’m getting closer.

And sometimes I wonder if I’m just… tired.

Tired of taking chances.

Tired of getting hurt.

Tired of hurting myself.

Tired of being disappointed by people.

And if I’m being fair, tired of disappointing people, too.

It takes a lot of effort to be me.

And lately, I think I’m just tired of becoming.

The Skin Horse says becoming real takes time. That it happens bit by bit. That by the time you get there, you’re a little worn down. A little rough around the edges.

And maybe that’s where I am.

A little worn.

A little tired.

Still trying to figure it out.

But still here.

Because maybe being real isn’t about finally arriving at some perfect version of yourself.

Maybe it’s this.

Still showing up.

Still trying.

Still choosing to live a life that feels like your own, even when you don’t have it all figured out.

Maybe being real isn’t about becoming something new.

Maybe it’s about finally allowing yourself to just be.

Lenten Reflection: The Practice of Becoming

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?”

— Psalm 13:1–2 (NRSV)

Day 27 are we there yet?

Lent is not just about reflection. It’s about formation.

And sometimes, formation doesn’t feel peaceful or clear.

Sometimes it feels like questioning.

Like wrestling.

Like wondering how long you have to sit in the in-between.

This week, sit with this:

🔹 Who am I becoming in this season of my life?

🔹 What parts of myself am I holding onto, and what parts am I losing?

🔹 Am I becoming someone I can live with?

Becoming isn’t about perfection.

It’s about awareness.

It’s about intention.

It’s about choosing, over and over again, not to lose yourself in the process.

Even when it’s slow.

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

Even when you don’t have clear answers yet.

Let’s keep going.

Take care of yourselves.

And take care of each other. 🧡

#lentenreflections2026 #becoming #midwestqueerlife #velveteenrabbit