Lent 2026 · Day 8: The Chrysalis & The Trash Panda
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One of the hardest things about starting over is that people remember you for who you were.
They remember the capable version. The confident version. The strong version. They don’t always know what to do with the version of you that is lost. Quiet. Uncertain. Unrecognizable.
And sometimes, neither do you.
When I left everything familiar and went to Kansas City, I wasn’t becoming something new yet. I was deprogramming myself from the life I had built. Untangling my worth from my usefulness. Learning how to exist without constantly proving my value.
I became a shell.
In nature, the caterpillar doesn’t just grow wings. Inside the chrysalis, it dissolves. Its body breaks down into cellular soup before reorganizing into something else entirely. It is soft. Vulnerable. Unformed. A little grotesque.
That was me.
Some friends showed up. They stayed. They didn’t demand timelines or explanations. They loved me without requiring evidence that I was “better” yet.
But not everyone could tolerate the in-between.
People say they support your healing, but what they often mean is they support the version of your healing that still looks productive. I was studying for the LSAT. Working at a coffee shop. Applying to law school. Rebuilding a future from scratch. And even then, it didn’t always feel like enough for the people watching.
Because when you stop performing the version of yourself people depended on, it unsettles them.
Most people don’t believe people actually change.
But change happens slowly.
And then suddenly.
Like a trash panda crawling out of a dumpster fire. Burned. Disoriented. Alive anyway.
I am still emerging. Chrysalis or dumpster fire. Choose your own adventure. Jesus jerk the wheel!!
Lenten Reflection · The Wilderness
Scripture tells us Jesus was led into the wilderness for forty days.
Not to perform miracles.
Not to help anyone.
Not to prove anything.
Just to be alone.
To be tempted.
To be emptied.
To confront himself without the expectations of anyone else.
The wilderness was not a failure of faith.
It was part of the formation.
You don’t emerge from the wilderness recognizable.
You emerge honest.
Lent is not about pretending you’re whole.
It’s about admitting where you dissolved.
Because resurrection doesn’t happen to the version of you that existed before.
It happens to the one who survived becoming unrecognizable.
Take care of yourself. Take care of each other.
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