Updated: Nov 28, 2020
#COVID19 Social (Physical) Distancing Log 03212020:
Mood: Thoughtful
I decided in my 30s that when I turned 40 I would start playing golf. I thought it was a good sport to play in your 40s. After I turned 41, I decided it was time to start playing golf. I found out that my friend Amy M. played golf and I asked if she could teach me how to play. I never played in my life besides putt putt golf and the driving range once. I was terrible. That was the extent of my golf history. I played multiple sports in high school, tennis, basketball, track & field, and, I also, played on a women's inter-mural softball team in my 20s. So, I'm a fairly athletic person, even though I don't look like it. I can certainly hit a tiny ball with a stick. The game of golf is way more complicated than hitting a little ball with a stick and getting it into a little hole without going into the woods, pound, or sand trap.
I went and bought a cheap set of clubs because I wasn't even sure if I'd like it or not. I met up with Amy at the Lewiston Golf & Country Club, it's actually a very farm country, 9-hole golf course, surrounded by corn fields. It was a perfect place to play my first round of golf. Which I was surprised to find out we were going to do after Amy showed me the basics of swinging a club and keeping my eye on the ball. I guess the best way to learn how to play is to play. I was awful, but I was hooked. I loved it. and Amy was very patient and kind with me. I truly appreciated her teaching and guidance. It was the best day, hanging out with a good friend, searching for my ball in the cornfields, drinking some beers, and eating a chicken sandwich in the clubhouse. What more could one ask for on their day off? Being quarantined in my home makes me long for the day I get to be on a golf course.
I always thought golf was an old white man elitist game and it didn't seem very accessible to folks like me. I was even surprised at how much I loved the game of golf. No, not everyone has 4 hours to spend playing 18-holes, but if you do it's the best thing to walk a golf course on a warm, clear sunny day taking in the view and fresh air. Most of the time there's no one else out there. I play with friends, but I've realized I enjoy playing by myself. It's the only time that I don't think about anything else except hitting that little ball into that little hole and making sure it doesn't fly into the pond, again. I now own a very nice set of clubs that are not very cheap. It was I'm single and I can buy whatever I want gift for myself after L (two exes ago) and I broke up almost three and half years ago.
Golf is a lot like life. You can make a spectacularly awful shot at one moment, but the next shot you take can be spectacularly beautiful. Persistence. Patients. Practice. Three things that can help us all get better at something especially golf. I'm good at a lot of things because I enjoy learning and I have a tenacious personality. I'm never going to go pro, but every golf season I get a little bit better. Also, golf helped rehabilitate my back after my back injury in 2018. It took two years, but my back has never felt better. And, if you've herniated a disk it sucks. How about three. It triple sucked. C'est la vie. That's life.
#GolfIsLife #Pandemic2020 #LifeGoesOn #QuarantineDiaries #pandemic2020 #refreshandrecenter #lifegoeson #socialdistancing #powedereddonuts #WearAMask #refreashandreboot #hopefloats #socialdistancing #GlowUp #FlannelDiaries #LivingMyBestMidWestQueerLife #Butch #Gendernonconforming #MasculineOfCenter #FlannelDiaries
Updated: Nov 23, 2020
#COVID19 Social Distancing Log Day 03202020
Mood: Meh
It's been a month since my mom passed away. Technically, my siblings and I are orphans. My dad passed away in 2009 from lung cancer. My dad found out he had lung cancer in 2007 and the first thing I did was figure out how much longer he had to live. WebMD at the time gave him 2 to 5 years, he was turning 70 and was supposed to come to the states with my mom and nephew to have a family reunion and we were going to celebrate his birthday. Instead, he returned all their tickets and went to a hospital in Cebu and then had 80% of his left lung removed by a Dr. who told him he'd save his life. My sister, who's an oncology nurse, told my dad he should come back to the states and she'd take care of him. However, my dad was a narcissist and believed he knew better than my sister and wanted to live. He paid for hope. There's nothing wrong with that. If he had chemo and radiation instead of just removing most of his lung he may have had more than two years, but that's nor here nor there.
I miss my mom. Even though we were separated by 5000 miles and oceans and continents I knew if I wanted to visit her I could. Even though, I'd have to spend 16 to 30 hours on a plane to see her. COVID-19 happened at an awesome time in my life. I know, I know my life has been a dumpster fire. I did really need a break from my regularly programmed life. I know that my mom and dad were proud of me. They of course had plenty of commentary about how I was living my life not that I was gay, but I think my parents worried that I would be alone. Instead of giving me relationship advice, they taught me how to be fiercely independent: balance my checkbook, change a tire, darn a sock, cook, clean, and all the things I needed to know to take care of myself. I appreciated that they were so thoughtful. But, I also wondered why they didn't think I could maintain any long-term romantic relationships?
I'm fine. Everything is fine. I haven't left the house in a couple of days, so I'm doing my part to help save the world. No, really, I'm doing well. Just trying to figure out if I've been living my life right. If not, what do I need to do differently? Cheers.
Updated: Nov 22, 2020
#COVID19 Social Distancing Log 03192020
Mood: Melancholy
Its been raining all day. Now I think it's starting to snow. Yay!
I think people are over-estimating their ability to be self-quarantined in their homes for longer than anticipated. This might be a well needed break for many, but this can be anxiety inducing for many, many more. It hasn't even been a week and I've been seeing posts from some of my friends who are starting to get pushed to their growing edges. Other's are posting positive and uplifting messages which is great. But, I think it's mostly to cover up the sheer terror folks are experiencing inside of them. No one has a clear vision of what this is going to look like on the other side.
Spending uninterrupted time with yourself and/or your family in your homes without distraction of after school activities and never ending professional responsibilities can start to reveal something about who you think you are and who you are in the world. The idea of essential employees has changed. They are now all the health care workers, public servants, service workers, grocery stock people, and the folks who continue to keep the grocery and medical supply chain going. The fear and flattening of a pandemic has revealed the breakdown of our social systems our structural systems in general. I can talk about the importance of competent leadership, but I'd be wasting my breath. I'm been talking about the importance of good governance for years. However, it isn't until our unwavering faith in the idea of, "what will be will be," isn't the best policy to protect the health and wellbeing of a nation. I've always been a fan of preventions and interventions. Because, now, over-reacting seems to be an appropriate way to respond to a highly contagious viral infection that can kill all of us.
Yes, staying home and keeping safe distances from others, and practicing impeccable hygiene will keep many of us alive. The byproduct of COVID-19 won't just be learning best practices and tactics to fighting a pandemic. The other byproduct will be our collective realization of what we once believed to be so important is either not as important as we thought it was or more important than we could have ever imagined. Your job. A handshake. A hug. Socializing. Toilet Paper.
Community and human connection is important. We are social creatures and even if you consider yourself to be a self-proclaimed introvert, you still long for human connection and a sense of belonging. My friends and family are very important to me and I assume others would feel the same. I have no relatives here in Rochester. I have created a large network of people, but I have a very small group of close friends in my inner circle who I would consider to be like family. Which was a huge reason I've been able to thrive in Rochester and chose to stay instead of moving far, far away. The world is changing. We are going into a recession. The last recession brought me to Rochester. It will be interesting to see where the next recession takes me.