Philippians 3:13-14 – “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
It’s not just about letting go of the bad stuff. It’s about figuring out what good things should take its place.
Am I just projecting past childhood hurts? Maybe. I love candy—who doesn’t? But I knew I needed to cut back on sugar. So, I made a deal with myself: if I work out for an hour, I get to have dessert. I know that’s not how it works, but isn’t that what we do? We negotiate—allowing bad habits if we balance them with good ones. That’s not really how it works.
Maybe I’m the problem.
I’ve been in a lot of relationships—each significant in its own way. A friend once told me dating is like stepping on rocks to cross a river. But the way she described it stuck with me: imagine that the rocks are the tops of the heads of the women you’ve dated. Each one gets you closer to the other side, to the person you’re meant to be with. At the time, I thought it was a dark but interesting visual.
Jessica, my friend who told me this, was in her early thirties—one of those sporty butches who dated a lot. We played on a women’s softball league together. That’s how we met. I was bartending at Triple Rock, one of the first microbreweries in the Bay Area. The team would come in, order pitchers of beer and plates of nachos. Their captain kept trying to recruit me to play, even though I had a terrible throwing arm. I could hit a ball, but my aim? Garbage.
Eventually, I gave in—mostly because I thought I needed more women friends. I was still with my girlfriend at the time. We broke up while I was still playing on the team.
We started out as the worst team in the league. By my third year on the team, we won our division.
That’s the thing—I believe in teamwork. I believe every person’s role is important. If one person doesn’t do their part, someone else has to pick up the slack. That happens in relationships, too.
I take full responsibility for my part in any breakup. Maybe I wasn’t the reason we broke up, but I know I participated in the downfall. Either I didn’t do enough, or I did too much. Maybe our shitty dynamic was the reason we didn’t work.
Life feels complicated right now. Sometimes, I don’t know how to move through painful emotions. So, I just sit in them. Feel sorry for myself. I regret things. I replay memories and hate how I treated some of my exes—or how they treated me.
People say, “I didn’t see the breakup coming.” But is that really true? Either you had terrible communication, or you were lying to yourself. Because if you’re observant, if you’re honest, there’s always a feeling in your gut.
Most of us ignore it.
For years, I disregarded my gut feelings because I didn’t trust them. Trauma will do that to you. But as I get older, I’m learning to differentiate between fear and intuition. Is this a fear response? Or is my intuition telling me what I already know? I’ve learned to listen to my body. It tells me what’s right, what’s wrong, and what direction I need to go.
Back to the rocks across the river analogy. I think, at this point, I have enough rocks to get across.
Lenten Reflection: Embracing the New
Lent isn’t just about giving things up. It’s about making space for something better.
🔹 What habits or beliefs am I holding onto that no longer serve me?
🔹 What do I need to replace them with?
🔹 How can I trust my own wisdom, experience, and intuition as I move forward?
Lent is a season of reflection, surrender, and renewal.
It’s time to stop stepping on rocks and start walking forward with confidence.
📖 Read my Lenten Reflections: flanneldiaries.com (link in bio).
It’s time for the annual spring cleaning. I like to think of it as a metaphorical cleansing of the soul. It reminds me of a scene from Bruce Almighty, where Bruce, after granting everyone’s prayers and creating chaos, turns to God (Morgan Freeman) for help. Instead of fixing everything for Bruce, God hands him a mop and says, "No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up." Bruce protests, saying he simply gave people what they wanted. To which God replies, "But since when do people have a clue about what they want?... Everybody wants me to do everything for them. The truth is, what they don't realize is they have the power. If you want to see a miracle, be the miracle."
We have always had the power within us to change our own lives, no matter how messy things get. A little help from friends doesn’t hurt either.
When I look at the division in this country, I’m not surprised by how absurd it all is. The mess we’re in stems from leaders who care more about their bottom line than saving humanity—leaders who see sacrificing groups of people as acceptable because it doesn’t directly affect them. But I refuse to be part of that negativity. Instead, I ask: How do we bring light back into the world? Not in the way of an electrician, but by being the miracle ourselves. Now more than ever, we need people to step up. We need to be the heroes of our own stories, not the villains in someone else’s.
Lately, I’ve been reading books where the protagonist discovers old love letters, and it’s made me realize how much romance has changed. We used to take time to craft letters filled with longing and poetry. Now, it’s just: "Hey, what are you doing?" instead of "I’ve been waiting with bated breath for your text. It has been a fortnight, and I cannot sleep without dreaming of you." Maybe we should all channel our inner Jane Austen and write poetry to woo people instead of relying on modern dating tactics.
There’s constant discourse about how dating in 2025 is a disaster. Reality dating shows, particularly those where engagements end over political differences, only reinforce how problematic our dating culture has become. Yet, sapphic dating seems to move at a different pace—lesbians are notorious for moving fast in relationships. My friends and family have even advised me that maybe I shouldn’t be dating right now… or ever. Should I be concerned?
Here’s my love poem to my social media fam:
It’s okay to not be okay,
But it’s never okay to be cruel.
Kindness costs nothing, yet it is priceless.
Be good. Be just. Be true.
I’ll love you across oceans and time,
Through seasons of sorrow and joy.
You are seen. You are heard.
You matter.
Stand for justice, speak for the silent,
Lift each other up when the world pushes down.
We are stronger when we stand together.
We are brighter when we refuse to dim our light.
If we ever get it together,
I’ll buy you a beer.
We can sit under the stars,
And wonder how we ever made it this far.
But for now, keep going.
Keep believing.
Keep fighting for what is right.
And whatever you do…
Don’t be a dick.
Lenten Reflection:
Lent is a time of cleansing, both spiritually and emotionally. Just as we declutter our homes, we must also declutter our hearts—removing bitterness, resentment, and despair, replacing them with faith, kindness, and hope. Like Jesus cleansing the temple, we must clear out what is not serving us, making room for renewal.
As we reflect this Lent, here are some questions to ask ourselves:
What clutter am I holding onto in my heart that I need to let go of?
Where in my life do I need to seek healing and reconciliation?
How can I be a light to those around me?
What small act of kindness can I do today that might make a difference in someone’s life?
Scripture for the Third Sunday of Lent:
“Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’” — John 4:13-14
May we all seek the kind of renewal that does not fade, and may we strive to be the miracle we wish to see in the world.
Take care of yourselves. And take care of each other. 💜
📖 Read my Lenten Reflections: flanneldiaries.com (link in bio).
Proverbs 16:24 – “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
My friends love giving me dating advice because, let’s be honest—I’m not great at it.
One time, I told a friend how terrible I am at giving compliments. I assume whoever my partner is should already know they’re beautiful, hot, sexy, etc. I mean, I wouldn’t be with them if I found them hideous, right?
Looks aren’t everything, though. Real attraction comes from the inside out. Kindness? Hot. Compassion? Sexy. A great sense of humor? Irresistible. You can be stunning on the outside, but if you’re mean and cruel? That’s a hard pass for me.
I’m blunt. Too honest, sometimes. And I hate tired, overused lines. My delivery? Needs work.
My friend asked for an example:
Me: You look good.
Them: No, I don’t, Vangie. I don’t even have any makeup on.
Me: Well, at least you don’t look like sh*t.
Them: Another classic Vangie compliment.
Me: You should’ve just said, “thank you.”
End scene.
So yeah, my friends think I need help.
Another attempt:
Friend: Do these pants make my butt look big?
Me: Blame it on the pants.
Friend: Blame it on the pants? 😂😂
Me: No?
Listen, I try.
The Weight of Words & Unsolicited Advice
I don’t know why my friends feel the need to give me unsolicited advice. But honestly? It’s always nice to laugh and just talk about life.
We go from the mundane (golf, dating, daily annoyances) to the serious (jobs, finances, politics).
We talk about how our president is crashing the stock market while the broligarchs only care about protecting the wealthy 1%. Meanwhile, the middle class is being crushed, and we’re spiraling towards fascism. People are just trying to survive—paying their bills, keeping their jobs, holding onto any social safety nets.
And yet, this country forgets its own history. Reparations were never given to the descendants of the enslaved. Black communities continue to be marginalized and oppressed. And we wonder why our nation is drowning in wicked karma.
It’s exhausting to fight for your right to simply exist.
Lenten Reflection: The Power of Words
Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
My love language isn’t words of affirmation—it’s acts of service. But I know that words matter.
🔹 They have the power to build or break.
🔹 They carry weight, whether we intend them to or not.
🔹 They shape how we see ourselves and the world.
I’m trying to get better at compliments because I know they matter. I’ll never say something I don’t mean—but I can be more intentional with my words.
Maybe that’s part of this Lenten journey—learning to speak life into others, even when it doesn’t come naturally.
Take care of yourselves. And take care of each other. 💜
📖 Read my Lenten Reflections: flanneldiaries.com (link in bio).
